Friday, August 01, 2008

twenty minutes

Procedure today at sometime between 10am and 12 noon.

It's 8.15 now, and we're leaving as soon as I hit "publish" to take Daniel to childcare and me to admitting.

I'm okay (and Daniel is watching cartoons on TV so he's FINE), because today is a beginning, not an ending. Today I start again, is what I'm saying.

The best that could possibly happen happened a little over seven weeks ago, and the worst that could ever happen came a little over a week ago.

I've been incredibly lucky, and while I've also been crazy unlucky too (seriousy, TWO blighted ova? Diagnosis? "one of those things". Twice over. FGS), I wouldn't have been unlucky if I hadn't met parameter A in the first place.

Then again, you make your own luck and this *gestures widely in reference to whole Making Babies plan* wasn't luck.

I put myself here so it would be a bit ridiculous to start complaining now because I didn't get the outcome I wanted.

Having been pregnant, and having started making plans and thinking of names (clue: Girls', 2 contenders, Boys', nil, zip, nothing, NADA) and look forward to life with another child allowed me to realise I don't only want this for Daniel. I want it for me. I mean, I knew I wanted more children, but now I REALLY know I do.

And if I don't add a Bee or two more to the global database, at least I didn't sit at home twiddling my thumbs and wondering what life would be like if life had been different.

Make it different.

If you have a dream, chase it. Setbacks and hurdles and roadblocks and unforeseen dramas and circumstances don't happen to stop you, they're a reminder of just how much you want it.

2005-2007© aibee