apology

I've been avoiding (you: NO SHIT?) writing down last week's number because it felt kind of dumb to get excited about an hCG level that's barely even touching the 3000 specificunitsofmeasureIkeepforgetting range.

That's, like, thirty times less what it was when I was seven weeks pregnant with Daniel.

I'm sorry for not telling, is what I'm saying, and to anyone who's been waiting to hear how we're doing over here, I'm sorry for making you wait.

I'm sorry to, for me, for not sharing my feelings. It's a bad habit of mine and one I really need to get on to. I'm like this perfect self contained unit and the truth is, perfection, even if it WERE possible, does not lie in separating oneself from the rest of mankind.

This may be just some random pages I churn out when the urge hits, and I know I don't much delve into much more than the Then We Did This scope of literary genius, but it's still the place I MOST share my feelings.

I need to get on that, not because it makes for interesting reading, but because I need to stop living my life like it's sung to the tune of a Simon and Garfunkel classic.

So.

We're (ie, the BABY and me) are doing well.

The nurse who took my 2pm call at 3.45 when I finally extracted my head from my ass, was a nice one, Annette, and she said, while low, the number was still a good one, that they've had girls (because I too, am so young and dewy) with numbers lower than that who have gone on to deliver perfectly healthy babies, and that higher numbers guarantee nothing.

Essentially, it's a crap shoot.

BUT

Keeping in mind the absolute FACT that I've had no spotting, cramping or anything untoward or worrying AT ALL, there's no immediate reason to think this is all less than woot-worthy.

I STILL haven't scored an ultrasound though, and that kind of ooks me out. I mean, what are they waiting for? A miscarriage so they don't have to actually do one? Wouldn't I need an ultrasound even if I did? So I don't get why they're dragging their damn heels on it. I mean, I CAN'T wait to display my undercarriage to who(m?)ever is driving the wand that day.

Anyway, there's another blood draw on for tomorrow morning (at frikkin' dawn AGAIN), and then another ridiculous wait to hear the result which will likely be another one that tells me NOTHING.

Science. Man, sometimes it's a real pain in the ass.