Monday, December 14, 2009

dun dun dah

So much to say, but never being able to find the time EVAH to update (well I DO find the time and then I fire up MacSolitaire and stare slackjawed at the screen and end up dreaming of winner conbinations involving black and red, clubs on clubs, hearts on hearts I think it must be like gambling ie intermittent positive reinforcement being a stronger something or other of behaviour leads to the intermittent Congratulations YOU WON pop up box being more important thatn telling you all about how awesome my son is and, srsly, how am I supposed to update when there is more gambling to be done?) means you get to enjoy my Should Have Been A Tweet style of updating. LUCKY YOU!

So I'm in the middle of my last ever DI cycle, in that, even with a weinerish LH of 7, I had a bunny ears air quotes procedure on Saturday morning (my son's birthday, Happy Birthday, Son!) in case I surged on Sunday because that's what happens, my ovaries get jiggy on the Day Of Rest which is a pain in the ass because the unit is CLOSED when my ovum is on the damn prowl. I'm going in today, to spend some quality time with the grief counsellor, and to have a blood test that will be sent to the lab while I'm talking about things that have nothing to do with grief at all, and there may or may not be another date with the reproductive material after that, depending on the results.

I've consulted my cervix and it's saying "I dunno for sure, but I think your ovaries did the biz yesterday, lucky you!", so I'm not sure there'll even be a repeat of the wonderful times to be had while laying flat on your back and wondering why in hell the apparatus required is as long as your arm.

Point being, if you pray to any thing or anyone, please pray for me.

Some study in 2001 (bla bla now discredited because some asshole wanted to take mysticism away from conception because of some shit about the authors being convicted of fraud [aside: when really, who cares about the methodology when the {supposed} results study gave hope to so many people?][and this is why I'm not a research technician]) showed that prayer increases conception rates, even when those being prayed for didn't know they were being prayed for, and those praying had no idea wtf they were praying for, they just prayed, and couples got knocked up at twice the rate or whatever number the authors made up proved.

It's SO HARD for me to ask for help, and I do feel like a total dick to ask for help in the form of prayer. My spiritual beliefs are very strong. They're not christian, but I believe that if we have spiritual beliefs of any kind, they all lead to the same thing, but in a way that is accessible to us, the who we are and what we are able to have faith in.

Which is a roundabout way of justifying a request for prayer.

When I probably don't need to anyway because if someone asked ME to think happy thoughts, I'd be all "No problemo! Bunnies, kittens, I'm SO THERE, yo'.".

So I'm just going to back away now because I'm making this more complex than it needs to be, because I'm shitawful at asking for help, and I'm just going to ask for help.

Please pray for me.

Thank you in advance.


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