Friday, April 03, 2009

it's over because it is


I guess I'll do it all again next month.

Thank you for being the only people I can share this with.

This is all so private, this mission to create a family while single, poor, and old, because Single, Poor and Old also looks kind of Stupid, Misguided, and Delusional, even to me, so I keep it to myself, go alone to appointments, and don't talk to anyone about how this all feels.

It, for what it's worth, feels stupid and misguided and delusional, but what if it's not? What if it's NOT?

And that's why I keep going.

I look at my precious, precious son, who is EVERYTHING to me. Having him was all I could ever want, and that's WHY he's not enough. BECAUSE he's everything. He's filled my life with so much of everything that his very existence leaves big gaping holes where there could be more of everything crammed in, a thousand times over.

If we never get another child to share our lives with, that's okay too, and if that happens, Daniel WILL be more than enough because he already IS.

You all have a great day.


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