Monday, February 16, 2009

squee! gee!

We were at IKEA yesterday, where Daniel frolicked in the ballpit while I bought a new table and chair set for him because the blue plastic he has is the lovechild of Bad Planning and Poor Vision.

Pros: it's plastic.

Cons: it has SO MANY nooks and crannies to store crap in, and I'm SO OVER either cleaning it out with toothpicks and willpower, or NOT cleaning it out with toothpicks, which is my preferred action plan, but there's only so much fluff one can ignore before being forced to admit it's probably mold.

Which is a kind of gross overexplanation of Daniel's new table and chairs.

and I got a squeegee and a hundred tealights.

The I got all pissy because godDAAMN, IKEA might be The Shit, but it doesn't plan for single parenting.

I wasn't thoroughly appraised of the Child Retrieval Procedure, and so merrily paid for mah shit BEFORE collecting Daniel, so then I had to LEAVE mah shit UNMANNED while I went back through the store to the entrance side again because that's where the playroom is, and you CAN'T go back through the store with your Shit because there's a sign says "Do Not Go This Way With Your Bigass Trolley Because It Won't Fit, Go That Way", and points to the OTHER end of the store where the exit doors are.

Had I chosen to go That Way and to NOT leave mah shit sitting around for ANYONE to take home, I'd have STILL had to leave my purchases unattended ANYWAY, so rather than picking my child up AFTER the one hour limit AND leaving my purchases alone, and rather than leaving my purchases unattended then getting my car to load the hopefully still THERE purchases then parking the car AND leaving my child beyond the allotted one hour limit, I chose to leave my items unattended so I could go This Way. So I collected my child (IKEA staff: Daniel, it's MUMMY!, Daniel: *pauses to assess possible outcomes, weighs benefits of TOTAL STRANGER reading to him versus one mother, familiar and supposedly adored. Chooses stranger* Mother: *weeps*) was sidetracked by said child and his eye for one buck hotdogs and icecreams, leaving my items unattended for That! Much! Longer! which meant there was NO WAY I was gonna leave my damn trolley alone some more, so I when we were done cramming Daniel's maw with junk, we got the trolley which miraculously still contained our bounty, and then dumped that motherfucker and CARRIED the fucking lot back to the car.

Then we met up with Daniel's father and sister at Neutral Ground MacDonald's for what felt like WAY TOO MUCH time, even though it was probably only SOME time.

And that was our Sunday. Yeah.

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