Sunday, October 09, 2016

If it's cultural appropriation then koalas are racially insensitve assholes too.

so I was reading this thing about Cultural Appropriation (apparently it's A Thing and I should be ashamed of all the times I wrapped my baby (who is nearly eleven now what the fuck??) up and/or tossed him in a whatsamagoo and threw him on my back, and all it did for me was want to yell at the idiots saying "I hate baby wearers plus skull and cross bones and *spit spit* on your grave" because, seriously, why would you have such a strong opinion when you're clearly an ignorant asshole (I think I just answered my own question) So I had to tell them (I'm looking atchoo, Louise) how dumb they are it's not all bad to wear your kid. Here. On my I'm Not Dead Despite All Appearances)(but I have been really unwell)  blawg. Where they (LOUISE) will never see it anyway. Because, roar, y'all. ROAR.
(and also, HI!) 
Baby Bjorns are a relatively shit way to carry your infant so it's a good idea to research the whats and whys of carriers or wraps before you shove your soft and squishy newborn into anything carrier-esque.
A hard structure that controls your baby's posture as opposed to a softer one that supports it can provide too much pressure on their pelvis, and they don't encourage the baby's natural spinal "c" curve. They also kind of plunk your baby in so, without the carrier, it would fall away from you so, posturally, you're pulling up against a weight hanging from your body - that's why you get  sore lower back, and why Baby Bjorn developed a back brace for the wearers .
Wearing a baby that is essentially strapped to your body in a way that doesn't affect your centre of gravity or allow your baby to fall out if you did a hand stand, much less if you bent over to tie your shoes, is structurally superior - and having your baby against your heart isn't really a wanky thing either. It actually does really and truly (but may be on a smaller scale than a Whoa, This Thing Is Keeping Mah Kid ALIVE thing) help regulate their breathing, heart rate, and blood pressure, (that's why Kangaroo Holding is so important to premature babies, and why babies who aren't held enough can fail to thrive) it levels out their responses to external stressors (that' a biggy too), and carried babies don't cry as much because they don't need to. You're already there! (so big it's made of Win!)
And! A well worn baby has its age related C curve supported too. The cute-as-all-hell shape they have that makes them snuggle up against you when you hold then.
Demonstration time: attach a head at the top end and some little itty bitty feet at the bottom end of this  -> C and now imagine it snuggling against you like the cutest, babiest koala bear.  Aw.
You don't get that kind of hoomahgord SO CUTE factor from a structured carrier. The end.
(but give me half a chance [or provide me with a passive/aggressive stroller/capsule specific run in with LOUISE] and I"ll bang on about why baby containers are stupid too)

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