Tuesday, March 25, 2008

potty mouth

About that peeing in the pool comment: Daniel doesn't do it.

What? Call Mr Ripley?

I'd be recommending you go for the Believe It option though because seriously, Daniel literally takes himself out of the pool mid whatever in heck he's doing to do his stuff, potty style. By my reckoning, he does this too often to also be sneaking a slash into the pool water.

So yes, potty training has been going really well, as in, it seems to be done, and no one is more amazed than I am because I don't feel like I've done ANYTHING. If anyone wants to know my methods, this is it: remove nappy, supply potty. The end.

There were a few bits in the middle that included the all day Thomas the Tank festivals, that saw Daniel seated on the potty for HOURS at a time, mindlessly evacuating whatever the hell he'd been keeping inn there, mostly, I think due to the suctioning effect the airtight seal of the potty around his toddler sized ass.

That evolved to what you see today. A little boy who has had only four accidents in as many big boy panted weeks. The accidents were more my fault too as was pretty tired each time, and I should been calculating the time between wees and plonking him on the potty regardless of his vehement "NO WEEWEE POTTY! NO!!". He mostly takes himself these days, but I've learned my lesson and if he's tired and it's been a while, I'm the boss and he's my little peeing minion.

Which is another of his party tricks. He can squeeze out a wee on command, even if it's just a drop or two. Which is a trick only ever brought out when tired, or if I want to minimise the possibility of him stripping from the waist down before telling THE WORLD that he needs to go weewee RIGHT NOW. Or if I'm leaving him at creche for an hour or so because creche doesn't allow potties as they'd rather a small sized toddler either fell in or whizzed all over the too big toilet.

Someone asked me about when am I going to teach Daniel to stand when he goes to the toilet. I was all, how about NEVER? Little boys grow in to adult men and in ALL those years, they NEVER learn to not pee all over everything BUT the toilet bowl, so my kid is going to grow up believing that real men sit down to pee.

Having said that, he does stand up sometimes, mostly when we're at McDonald's ("MACCA DACCA'S!!") because I do NOT want my kid anywhere near the festering mess of disgusting they call a public toilet. Oh, and if you live near me? I'm giving you fair warning: Daniel mostly utilises the relative cleanliness of the sink. You're welcome.

I've made it sound like we go to Macca's, like, ALL THE TIME. Well, okay, yes we do, - but criminy, not to eat. Hell no. I go for the shitty coffee and the newspaper, and Daniel goes for the play equipment and so he can beg for french fries from the people who do go there to eat. No shit, the kid is a freaking seagull. It's embarrassing, and even more so when he sneaks in behind the parents when they're leaving with their REAL kids, and acts cool so they won't notice him when he tries to follow them home.


Internet history making event: I'm into the second week, aka The Week In Which Well Timed Pee Could Change Everything, of the two week wait and I've not done one single pregnancy test.

Am I weird, or is everyone else? Because I just don't get the whole freak-your-shit-out deal about it. You're either pregnant or you're not, and to my mind, it's a waste of energy to go nuts wondering which one you are.

But if anyone is on tenterhooks wondering which one I am, I'm not. I'm looking forward to my period arriving so I can let go of the vain hope that maybe maybe maybe I just might be pregnant, because I'm certain I'm not and I want to move past that bit of delirium. What I am is fully loaded on supplemental progesterone, and I'm SO not pregnant that even that isn't making me feel the teeniset bit bun in the oveny.

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