Wednesday, September 10, 2008


I've been out of circulation requiring more than staring dully at the computer screen and clicking mindlessly through pages. I've got to have ANOTHER operation this Thursday and even my doctor says SO MUCH shit comes my way. I'd asked him if maybe I felt overwhelmed becaus I'm a pussy, but he said uh NO. You feel overwhelmed because *lists the seventy billion me related shitstorms". Then a friend of mine said "gee, you're pretty unlucky, you know that?".

Which rated a "....".

So this week I've got to have my frontal, ethmoid and sphenoid sinuses cleared. They are completely blocked and no fucking wonder I feel "tired". Which is what I thought explained the pressure around my eyes and they heaviness in my head that NEVER goes away. What it is though, isn't snot, which I thought sinus disease was, but crap the consistancy of freakin' steak filling your (MY) sinuses when they should only hold AIR.

Uh, tmi?

Anyway, google the damn sinuses I listed. They're the ones closest to your BRAIN and behind your eyes and shit. Risk factors include puncturing your skull and having the fluid your BRAIN sits in leak out OMG.

Seriously, man, I keep wondering how much more shit I can handle. Like when I got this diagnosis I was all *weeps* because, FUCK, yannow? How much more, oh lord? Now I'm all, meh, get the surgery over. If I feel okay now, imagine how GREAT Im gonna feel once that sixteen kilos worth of CRAP is removed from my head.

In other oversharing news, I got my period yesterday, First one since the miscarriage, so I'm THRILLED that my body has recovered so well. The heart, not so much so. No one can tell (I think) because I SEEM to be my usual self, but inside I', I guess, in so many ways. Then sometimes, like yesterday for instance, I feel the loss of all that hope so keenly.

But I digress

Point being is that this means the timing of the BRAIN OMG surgery is perfect, especially since I got in on a cancellation yesterday after originally scheduling it for late October, which would have meant (assuming my cycle is back on track, I'm doing IVF again when my next period arrives) I'd have had to wait another month to do all that needle jabbing shit which, with the unit closing over Christmas for, like, EVER, I would have had to wait until February NEXT YEAR to go the whole shebang again.

So yes, I AM going to do IVF again. BUT FIRST, enormous amounts of I have NO idea what, will be removed from my close to my brain sinuses.

And then I'll be an air head again.

*boom boom*

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