Monday, September 08, 2008

september 8

My dad died fifteen years ago today, and it's usually just a day, this anniversary, and it isn't a bad day, it's just A day that happens to be the day my dad died.

Today sucked though, awesomely, with work I was supposed to do being canceled because the person who asked me to do it FORGOT, and then a letter arrived advising me I'd defaulted a payment on my credit card for the first time EVAH in, what? Twenty five years of credit cardage? And when I called the bank to tell them I'd just fixed it up, some quasi adult LECTURED me about my responsibility to them and, oh, just fuck off, and despite my automatic assumption that I HAD forgotten due to being busy decompensating because the last month or so has been SO trying, but NAY. I fucking PAID the ENTIRE debt off a little over a week ago, except the teller put it to the WRONG account. And there I was putting up with this proverbial finger wagging and feeling Less That Perfect because my once perfect credit rating now has this default PERMANENTLY on it. Then all morning there was all this other stuff coming at me with cheques not arriving and invoices needing to be reissued, and angry text messages being sent back and forward between me and Forgetful Person because, seriously, NOW you tell me the agreed fee has been reduced by twenty five percent? It's not the money, it's the PRINCIPLE, teach your own class, etc, GAH, and all these other pissy little annoyances that did. Not. Stop erupting that made the day blow and that made losing a (not "a", MY) pregnancy all fresh! and new! again, and THAT blew, and then suddenly the whole day blew spectacularly more because it WAS the same day my died, fifteen years ago.

I miss him.

me and dad, exactly half my lifetime ago

He's been gone so long though, I don't remember how it feels to have a father.

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