Friday, June 27, 2008

I'm an idiot

And this is why.

I got up this morning with no period and the words "morning urine" wafting through my brain, so I peed on a stick at 6.15am, managing to get the flow in the right direction only because I peed into a cup and then dipped the stick into it.

Which is a method I highly recommend.

I blame the "morning urine" part of the whole equation for the existance of this sorry tale because I ALWAYS pee twice, once at ridiculous o clock, and then an hour or two later when time actually begins.

So wanting to do it right, I chose Phase One of Operation Void Bladder.

Which is why when the urine passed uneventfully over the action side of the test strip, I said "fuck it" and went back to bed.

In my defense, I don't function AT ALL at that time of day, and may or may not be known for falling back to sleep again ON THE JOHN with my pants around my ankles and my head against the hand basin.

Anyway, this morning we got up just before eight and OF COURSE I checked the now TOTALLY not reliable test strip and lo, I found the fucking thing had two lines on it.

I'm not excited because I'm too busy refraining from banging my head against the wall.

And you lot, please, DO NOT get too excited either because the best way to get a FALSE positive is to leave your pregnancy test wallowing on the bathroom counter for more than ten minutes which, check. So while I went to extremes (ie I got up EARLY and endeavored to FUNCTION) for the best chance at an honest result, I proved only that I really AM that amount of useless in the morning.

That being said, I've optimistically peed on a stick in the past and hours later (code for "when I retrieved it from the trash") noticed a very, very faint line that require the right light, bionic vision and a whole lot of enthusiasm to notice.

This one is kind of not faint.

Check it:

No, wait.

First, pinky swear to remember THIS IS NOT A LEGITIMATE RESULT.


Okay. Proceed.

Need a closer look at it?

I called the unit and THANK GOD, got a nurse that isn't a fuckhead.

me: bla bla no period
her: *ears audibly prick up*
meL: bla bla have no idea how (OF COURSE I KNOW HOW) but I ROOTED the only test strip I have in the house

(Obviously, not only am I stellar in the morning, I'm also a wicked good planner)

her: I'd be quietly optimistic at this point.
me: Oh....

My goodness.

So the fat lady hasn't yet sung to either audience. That "quietly optimistic" thing from The House Of You'll Never Get Pregnant has got to be...well, good.


I don't know!

The upshot is if I do a test on Sunday, and do not causally saunter away immediately afterwards, it's likely to be accurate.

Or I could wait until Tuesday to get a blood test.

So let's vote. Sunday pee test of Tuesday blood test?

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