Friday, April 13, 2007


I trotted along to the orthodontist yesterday, as instructed by the professor and in order to get more impressions done to make another wafer. One that, unlike its stupid predecessor, should work, come Monday. On the way and in a frightful state, what with all the anticipating three more days of the particular metallic hell I've been experiencing while waiting for ten more days of an even more exquisite brand of hell, I decided that these motherfucking wires were coming off TODAY, and that if the prof needed them to provide anchorage for the wafer on Monday, then he could damn well wire them in again then. When I got there, I was AMPED, baby, and ready for battle.

The first thing the orthodontist said was that to do the impressions, the wires had to come out. I was all "NO! The wires are coming OUT!! TODAY!! Hang on, what?" and noticed the orthodontist making circles around his ear with his index finger while raising his eyebrows to his nurse. Fucker. Anyway, weee! Wires out! So I lay back on the chair, bared my teeth and waited for magic to happen.

However, the orthodontist had already left the room to call one of the surgeons on the team because only they knew the pattern of the wires and so, how to remove them. Which the professor could have organised the day before when he spoke the orthodontist to organise the damn impressions in the first place. By this time it was 3.30pm and I had to hightail it to the unit HQ where the surgeon would be arriving in an hour or so. I also had to call childcare to tell them that the favor they were doing me in taking Daniel in for an hour on a day he'd usually not be in, was gonna be tested because he might be in there forever, depending on when the surgeon arrived and how long it took him to take the damn wires out. Then they started talking 'sedation' and I was all, yes! I would LOVE me some sedation but for fuck's sake, I don't even have time for a local anaesthetic, what with my child in care and the car outside, and excuse me, but shouldn't this all have been organised earlier? Like, say, yesterday!?


So I waited and the unit HQ team urged me to take some codeine so as to be at least a wee bit medicated when the doctor arrived. Except, they didn't have any, did I? I answered in the negative and wondered out loud if anyone had a bullet for me to bite on instead, pioneer style.

The surgeon arrived at 4.30 and he was very nice and roughly twelve years old. Seriously, when did they start letting prepubescent boys into medical school? He warned me that after wearing this shit for so long, the gum tissue tends to grow around it (EWW!) so when the wire gets pulled through it often takes tissue with it (EWW EWW!!) and to be prepared, it would be a little painful (YA THINK!??). Then he came at me with the wire cutters and it took a while, but either it wasn't that bad or I'm rugged and tough, grr. He did a fine job of unraveling the labyrinth of steel winding its way around my teeth though, and I am now wire free and lovin' it.

I've got until Monday morning to enjoy this sweet, sweet liberty, after which during the course of another operation, the whole lot gets reattached to my pearly whites for I don't know how long, so I took advantage of my metal free state last night by going crazy and eating some green beans. *gasp* I know!! Beans! Green ones! With fibery bits that had nowhere to get caught in. Because I know how to part-ay. Woot, etc.

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