Friday, March 04, 2005

the story of my mouth, part deux

I went to the dentist yesterday cuz it felt like my tooth was getting CAUGHT INSIDE the crater on the underside of my tongue. Yes, all caps. It really hurts that much and it really feels like my tooth is getting jammed inside, wreaking even more damage.

So anyway, I'm reclining as elegantly as one can recline while wearing big ol' Atom Ant glasses (to protect one from one's own spit, one would presume. I mean, it's hardly likely one's own dentist is gonna hoik a lurgey into one's eye, is it?) with one's tongue being pulled out of one's mouth by one's dentist. I'm the one, in case you were wondering. Anyway, he turned my tongue over to cop a gander at this legendary hole, and as he did so, a hush fell over the room.

Then, as if choreographed, he and his nurse looked at each other and then in unison, looked at me, uttering the words that absolved me from all wussiehood.

'Oh my, it's BIG, isn't it?'

It is? *blink*

Uh, okay.

You see, despite my dramatics, I thought I was making a mountain out of a molehill, a crater out of a dimple, a fuss about nothing. Seems this THING is my mouth is awe inspiring. The stuff legends are made of even, and I'm the legend, go me.

Upshot is, he checked out my teeth for any sharp bits that might be perpetuating my misery, and then sent me on my way, a look of admiration in his eye and a tube of topical anaesthetic in my pocket.

When I went to pay my bill, I found that this THING's reputation had preceded me, and even the receptionists were tut tutting at my misfortune, and all were totally impressed at my fortitude-and at the size of this fucker.

And thus enduth the most boring story in the world, unless of course, this thing grows and takes over the world.

Stay tuned.

2005-2007© aibee