because to bitch is to be a better blogger

So yes, Daniel had a birthday party. It went well we had fun and Daniel was so amped up after a day or around thirty adults and seventeen kids of varying sizes squeezed through my tiny abode to cram themselves into my ridiculously L shaped back yard, that I ahd to take him for a few laps around the block to finally get him to sleep at around 10(!)pm that night.

The highlight of the day was when, after everyone had finally left and I was standing with my hands on my hips and wondering where the fuck to start, what with the SHIT lying around that needed attending to, my old neighbours dropped by.

Daniel had never met them before, but by the time they left, he was calling them GranGran and Pops, which of course made my heart explode all over the place because these two are the best grandparents ever and now they are my son's honorary best grandparents ever and, weep.

I don't know why we've not kept in close contact in the last five years. I expect because they thought they'd moved on and had been forgotten, and me because I'm a fucking idiot who thought they'd moved on and wouldn't want to be bothered by me, the virtual orphan, when they had their own family to fill their lives.

Anyway, we ARE going to stay in each other's lives now, and I'm looking forward to them being a significant part of Daniel's life.

But surely y'all want me to whoosh past the good bits (in which we all had fun and ate drank and were generally merry) and get right into the interesting bits?

Strep was an ABSOLUTE tool.

He'd been very helpful and generous and shit, insisting on buying the cake and the party pies, bringing along soft drinks and fruit platters and whatever the fuck, taking a day off work to tidy up the yard, and bringing along tables, a few chairs, and that big mother fucking gazebo that's still in my back yard. He did a lot, yes, and I've been moochos appreciative and have said thank you SO much so many times my throat is sore.

That being said, I would have managed without his help - and would have actually preferred to - and did try to wangle out of most of it before going with the whole amicable vibe we've had going on of late.

Little did I realise he thought he was buying me with all the shit he contributed.

ANYWAY, come party day, he mooched around like a total fuckbag the entire time, looking as miserable as all hell and totally sulking about, at this point, I don't know what the fuck. Guests arrived and yet, he couldn't bring himself to slap that sour look off his face. I'd have loved to do it for him, but instead kept my cheery tone and, until I was swamped by guests and gifts and basically swallowed up whole by the Hostess Of The Party dealio, introduced him around.

Now, everyone knows he's the dipshit who left me when I was six weeks pregnant, but what did he want? A general announcement saying he's no longer in the Dipshit Report, and has turned over a new leaf and bla di bla di bla? Colour me stupid but I figured his presence would suggest those things.

Things that pissed me off on the day but, being a fucking awesome person, I didn't say shit about: Strep kept himself separate from the main party area the entire day, and every time Daniel scooted past him in his excited birthday glee, Strep grabbed him up and cuddled him, effectively taking him out of party circulation and away from the fifteen or so kids he'd been playing with. At some point, Strep elected to mmove inside where he and his daughter stayed for the rest of the day so they could sit around looking miserable. Again, Daniel was forced to choose between his party and them. He's really attached to Tina so when he'd find himself outside rocking the show with all his friends without her, he'd look worried and then run inside to find her. Then his idiot father would scoop him up and keep him there until I wandered back in said "Oh! There he is!" and take him back out again because jaysus, it was a party for him, forfucksake.

The he and his little posse of thunderclouds left and I rolled my eyes and thanked gd he was gone.

I was working the next day, a 6pm class, and Strep and I had made prior arrangements for him to sit with Daniel during that time. Not because I want him too,but because I figur it's the Right Thing to do, to let daniel have that relationship with his father and whatever. Strep's mood on Saturday though, left me even less enthusiastic about this arrangement, so when he sent me a message asking about it on Sunday night, I ignored it because, fucksake, 11.30pm? Then he sent me this on Monday "I would appreciate a response t the message I sent u (sic) last night about looking after daniel tonight.". Which because I know this passive aggressive little fucker better than he knows himself, sent up the red flags for me.

Now, unless it's chatty and not related to Daniel, I don't leave hard copies of any communications with Strep, so I called him, only to find out that HE is angry with ME.

I know! That cracked my shit right up too.

The nerve.

Anyway, apparently I didn't hold his hand enough Saturday, or maybe he wanted a blow job or I don't freakin' know.

He's pissed that I sent a couple of texts while he was here on that Friday night (which I'd understand if I'd spent the night holding one hand up to him in the universal signal for "Stop", while madly texting with the other, but people, I texted only if I'd ducked inside for some sticky tape, a paperclip, or some scissors or some other genuine reason, and there was a message on my phone. GAH) He was all "and you were texting your BOYFRIEND" while he was fluffing his chest hairs and getting all macho at me, and I was all "the fuck? what the fuck are you talking about?". His other grievance is that I wasn't appreciative of is efforts and seriously, what part of "thanks So much" x one billion didn't he hear?

AND he's pissed that my BOYFRIEND (his caps lock, not mine)(Strep's, not my BOYFRIEND'S) was there on Saturday. Oh, and he was pissed that I was still making chocolate crackles when he arrived on Saturday. I'd say he thinks I was up all night having wild sex with the BOYFRIEND.

Good fucking grief.

And while I might be keeping the occasional company with a swarthy and totally hot lawyer (still! and this week's mood is: am digging this), he isn't my boyfriend, I wasn't texting him, and he wasn't there on Saturday.

Then Strep sent me a text the following night saying he's too "hurt and confused" to talk to me right now, and that he "can't help the way he feels". No, but he can help the way he behaves, and he's behaving like a big jealous baby, FOR NO REAL REASON. Not that I think any reason justifies behaving like that much of an idiot but, whatever. He was like this three or four years ago throughout that soccer club debacle, so oh yes, as you can imagine I'm SO willing to indulge in that same bullshit now.

NOT, is what I'm saying.

He was going to send me an email because he has THAT much to say to me, but it hasn't arrived yet and the only reason I care is that I think it might have been entertaining reading.

I'd feel sorry for him if his issue was sorrow and regret (at losing me, for I yam such a prize) , but it's not, it's jealousy, plain and simple, and it's based on assumptions, not reality, and he sulked and pouted all Saturday because if it and that's ridiculous-especially as it was DANIEL'S day and he should have put his shit behind him, even if it was based on reality, and not been such a wankbagtosser.

He's lost any respect he'd built with me over the last few months, and all in one brief phone call. He's behaving EXACTLY like he did when we were together, which means he is exactly the same as he was then, he's just been acting differently. I'm glad too, because now I don't feel compelled to share my son with him. Can we say YAY loud enough? No, I think not.