Monday, October 08, 2007


The weekend just gone was the same as any other. Rough translation being, we dodged another social engagement. I did, however, have a wicked good workout on Saturday morning and can still feel my arms today.

We were supposed to go to a friend's house-is-finally-finished-being-renovated party on Saturday afternoon. They live miles away and Daniel, who is on a no sleep gig, the little shit, decided that he would actually do so this particular day, giving me the go ahead to flow with the "oh dear, invitation for 2pm, Daniel still asleep at 4pm, fuckit" train of thought.

Yesterday we were supposed to go to the zoo again with the man (!) we met Thursday night. He's recently arrived from South Africa, is the new regional manager for Nando's chicken or whatever the heck his t-shirt said, and we got chatting while Daniel was on the minganing! (that'd be the merry go round, batman). Seeings as how he's just uprooted his entire life to settle here, aka the most unfriendly place on earth, I took pity and against my better judgment (not because he doesn't seem nice, because he does, but I'm already ditching social commitments, what am I? An idiot? DON'T ANSWER THAT), gave him my card and said coffee, only, if he so desired, am not interested in anything else, bla bla bla. He called later that night and we arranged Sunday because I pitied the poor thing trying to settle down here and having no friends and sob, etc. Thank fuck he called Sunday, and as he's signed off on his new home, sounded frazzled and so I thoughtfully (ahem) offered to reschedule, and he sounded relieved, and I concentrated on keeping my THRILL from my voice, but then he suggested a time later in the week.

so the dilemma returns.

I must smell like a hormone or something though - or someone in dire need of coffee - because last night, out of the blue, I got a call from a guy I knew about million years and another lifetime ago. He wants to catch up this week while he's on vacation bla bla bla, which I'm cool with but man, I get so nervous when I think about what they mean by "coffee" because I am so not interested in getting involved with anyone. I always pick the idiots, so I figure, why challenge that impeccable run of idiocy? Better to stay the hell away from anything with a penis.

The lawyer has a penis and is also an idiot of the same calibre. So what am I doing with him? I've never believed in "being fated", but for some dumbass reason (lots of them actually, a billion little coincidences that, in reality, mean nothing), that's how I feel about us. God help me. And not as an in love, partnership deal, because, yes, idiot habit, but in each others' lives more in the future than we've been in the past. We've always been in each others' lives (I may have even mentioned my hot lawyer on these pages at one point or another) but in an aware of each other way, not an interactive kind of way.

I'm not certain he didn't tell me he loved me last Friday night. He's a lawyer though, so he worded it with an escape hatch.

Which is one of the reasons why he's an annoying ass a whole lot of the time "for isnt the truth fluid?". Yeah, whatever, dipshit, so it's a lot like my usual relationships, and why I've not been interested in engaging in the same old shit with someone different. So again, you ask, why in fuck am I seeing him? Well, there's the sex which, yes, it's been awhile, and while I was hiding out so as not to meet any of my usual bad habits, he literally appeared at my door one night. Which isn't a great reason to start up with someone, especially since over the course of a year several such incidents are likely to occur and none of them are likely to end up with sex, so why this one? Because I like him too, and also the universe, it would appear, has some weird sense of humor *shakes fist at sky* so here I am, not having a relationship with the same kind of man I always don't have relationships with.

Which is another reason why I was so glad South African man rescheduled. He too has a penis (one would assume) so did he get that I meant it when I said I wasn't asking him "out" out? As in, not on a date? Not that I'm scared I'm going to suddenly and against my better judegment find myself naked, and not that I'm the world's biggest hottie that all men do so desire, but fucksake, it always goes from "Yes, certainly. Friends" to being hit on. I mean, there's a child napping* in the next room. I'm sleeping with my lawyer, so yes, that's how well the whole "drinking coffee together because we're friends" thing works for me.

Also, how do I know anyone I meet isn't actually attracted to my son? Million Years Ago Man didn't even know I had a son, that's how long it's been since we caught up. He called to see me, not my boy, so at least with him I don't have that to worry about.


Oh, and we've ever had a relationship or anything, or even got naked, ahem, he's simply someone I knew who...was interested in me back in the day so what in the HELL am I doing agreeing to catch up? *bangs head against wall*

Anyhow. Yes.

Sunday's activities were rescheduled and what actually went down was, in lieu of the zoo (poet! and I don't know it!) we went for a looooong walk to the mall, and when we rolled in, one of the stupid back wheels on the stroller went flat. So I pumped it full of air and Daniel thought is was a hoot and went flat again in two seconds, tops. So we flaflumped, which is totally the sound one flat back wheel makes, all the way to Target at the opposite end of the mall and bought an inner tube. Then I asked if any of the bright sparks there knew how in hell to change a tyre, and they didn't, and didn't one need a tyre changing tool thing anyway? So I looked for said in the bicycle and other assorted and related shit department and there was none. Then I thought that, hell, I've got TALONS for nails, I'll just rip that fucker off and fix it myself. Which turned out to be impossible. So I called my friend the mechanic, but he was at his daughter's house on the other side of town, so I called her and verbally slapped her upside of the head for using her father when I needed him,how selfish, and then...then...then I called Strep. Which I SO didn't want to do. He was in the city with his daughter and waffled on a bit about what to do and how to do it and fucksake, so I said "DUDE!" like that. "DUDE!" real sharp, to get his attention back the present because we were stranded and we needed him to focus on my bleating a la "Help! SOS! Am at least a half hour from home! Am freaking out!". So he did because I was, then he played with Daniel, Daniel eventually had a melt down, then we wheeled home on all three wheels and a spare inner tube that was the apparently broken inner tube that in fact, on removal and inspection, HAD NOTHING WRONG WITH IT, WHAT THE FUCK?! Does the universe want us to reconcile that much? Jesus.

So, yes, my weekend in a nutshell.

*actually, he's not. He seems to have given up his afternoon naps completely so I'm assuming that I'll shortly be giving up my sanity in much the same way.

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