new leaves, etc
I've not yet covered Daniel's father and his declarations of missing me and wanting to got back together and can't bear the thought of loosing (sic) me to another man and yannow? It'd be a good financial move. Personally? Not so much so.
The hard line I've been presenting to Strep seems to have paid off though. I've been all, "no, can't see the kiddo 'til you prove you're not an ass" because while now he claims to want to be a committed and loving father, before now he's, in order, treated me like shit for five years, left us when I was six weeks pregnant, failed to acknowledge Daniel's birth, failed to even deny paternity much less sign any of the necessary paperwork, forcing me to get a lawyer and threaten to take him to court, contacted me after six months ONLY because he had the actual legal threat of a court ordered paternity test in his pathetic hand and thought "shit!", and then over the course of the next six months (we're up to eighteen months of being a dickhead on top of five years of being an ass) did the equivalent of a fish flopping around on a jetty saying "want to see him, no, can't, too scared" over and over until February this year when, after he'd disappeared for another eight weeks, I told him no dice, smarten up, fool, and then we'll talk. He reappeared every six weeks or so until June, demanding to see Daniel, and I kept saying he'd need a lawyer himself if he wanted access, "please get one because I am eager to legally document every. single, asshole thing you've done over the last couple of years" (the family court would have of course given him visitation but I am a LIONESS when it comes to my kid) . Finally though, yes. My fluffing up of feathers has paid off and Strep has given up a twenty five year, daily dope smoking habit and, thanks to not being stoned every day, appears to have actually changed and seems to be committed to treating both of us with the respect we deserve.
He's respecting my need for distance and time, he's respecting my role and decisions vis a vis him as Daniel's mother, and taruntara, he's finally seeing that he was, in fact, a total tool.
He's literally a different person, one I don't know. Good for the rest of the world, bad for him as, understandably, he's really depressed and has finally bought the clue that let him know that over the last six years, he's been a MAJOR dick and has treated me (and subsequently Daniel) appallingly. I want an easy life where bunnies and kittens roam free and everyone gets along, so it's an effort for me to not just let a platonic relationship between us pick up from here. I mean, no one should get life handed to them that easily.
NOTE, I am not talking getting back with him because, no. I'm talking about accepting who he is now and forgetting the aforementioned dick he's been. It'd be easier to do that, to accept him at face value, but being sensible is being wary and making him earn his place in our lives.
Which requires effort.
The reason, and I'm very proud to say this, he gave up dope in the first place is because I HAVE been hard and unwilling to accept his ridiculous behaviour. It took six months (at least) of me saying no, no seeing Daniel until you quit with the ridiculous and show some semblance of commitment to him, for Strep to realise that I wasn't about to accept him as a father of our child as long as he persisted in being the wanker that left us when I was six weeks pregnant.
I forgot my point.
There probably was none.
Suffice to say that I am NOT even contemplating a reunion because, no. Not after the shabby treatment. Maybe in ten years, when he's earned some trust and has proved he is NOT the idiot I got knocked up by, but now? No, damn stupid move on my part and not a good move for Daniel.
Oh yeah, I remembered. My point was that the last week or two have been a really unsettling.
The hard line I've been presenting to Strep seems to have paid off though. I've been all, "no, can't see the kiddo 'til you prove you're not an ass" because while now he claims to want to be a committed and loving father, before now he's, in order, treated me like shit for five years, left us when I was six weeks pregnant, failed to acknowledge Daniel's birth, failed to even deny paternity much less sign any of the necessary paperwork, forcing me to get a lawyer and threaten to take him to court, contacted me after six months ONLY because he had the actual legal threat of a court ordered paternity test in his pathetic hand and thought "shit!", and then over the course of the next six months (we're up to eighteen months of being a dickhead on top of five years of being an ass) did the equivalent of a fish flopping around on a jetty saying "want to see him, no, can't, too scared" over and over until February this year when, after he'd disappeared for another eight weeks, I told him no dice, smarten up, fool, and then we'll talk. He reappeared every six weeks or so until June, demanding to see Daniel, and I kept saying he'd need a lawyer himself if he wanted access, "please get one because I am eager to legally document every. single, asshole thing you've done over the last couple of years" (the family court would have of course given him visitation but I am a LIONESS when it comes to my kid) . Finally though, yes. My fluffing up of feathers has paid off and Strep has given up a twenty five year, daily dope smoking habit and, thanks to not being stoned every day, appears to have actually changed and seems to be committed to treating both of us with the respect we deserve.
He's respecting my need for distance and time, he's respecting my role and decisions vis a vis him as Daniel's mother, and taruntara, he's finally seeing that he was, in fact, a total tool.
He's literally a different person, one I don't know. Good for the rest of the world, bad for him as, understandably, he's really depressed and has finally bought the clue that let him know that over the last six years, he's been a MAJOR dick and has treated me (and subsequently Daniel) appallingly. I want an easy life where bunnies and kittens roam free and everyone gets along, so it's an effort for me to not just let a platonic relationship between us pick up from here. I mean, no one should get life handed to them that easily.
NOTE, I am not talking getting back with him because, no. I'm talking about accepting who he is now and forgetting the aforementioned dick he's been. It'd be easier to do that, to accept him at face value, but being sensible is being wary and making him earn his place in our lives.
Which requires effort.
The reason, and I'm very proud to say this, he gave up dope in the first place is because I HAVE been hard and unwilling to accept his ridiculous behaviour. It took six months (at least) of me saying no, no seeing Daniel until you quit with the ridiculous and show some semblance of commitment to him, for Strep to realise that I wasn't about to accept him as a father of our child as long as he persisted in being the wanker that left us when I was six weeks pregnant.
I forgot my point.
There probably was none.
Suffice to say that I am NOT even contemplating a reunion because, no. Not after the shabby treatment. Maybe in ten years, when he's earned some trust and has proved he is NOT the idiot I got knocked up by, but now? No, damn stupid move on my part and not a good move for Daniel.
Oh yeah, I remembered. My point was that the last week or two have been a really unsettling.
posted by aibee at 09:41
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