Monday, June 25, 2007

I hate assholes

Alternative title, careful aibee, you're letting your perfectionist tendencies colour your view of these good people.

Guff. Aw,

Also, I said "ass" hole. Ha ha ha ha HA.

So yes. As I've mentioned before, I'm selling off shit on ebay. I am, if I do say so myself, a fucking awesome ebayer. If I win an auction, I pay for the item that very same day, and when I sell, I pride myself on being the kind of seller that makes my own buyer's heart sing. People, I'm the kind of ebay trader that communicates the living shit out of an auction, sending a minimum of three emails when one of mine ends (in order: thanks for bidding here's your invoice, got your payment will be sending your item today, and finally, have sent your item thanks again), I package items for free and then I find the cheapest possible postage options, I charge no handling fees whatsoever, and I go to great lengths to ensure the parcel is sent the very same day that payment is received. Oh I'm sorry, didn't I say that loudly enough? I send parcels THE SAME FUCKING DAY, so it annoys the crap out of me that I don't have a perfect score on my Detail Seller Ratings, not because I've faltered in my anal retentive compulsion to give my buyers the perfect auction experience, BECAUSE I HAVEN'T, but because those dipshits have some kind of delusional compulsion to complain, no matter what the fuck.

It is with this in mind that I present to you The Ebay Hall Of Shame. Theirs, not mine. Pricks.

4.8 out of a possible 5.0 for Item as described. While it irks me, I can live with it because I (grudgingly) guess that's perceptual. I do go to great lengths to describe every. Fucking. Detail. of whatever is on auction though. In fact, I practically write a motherfucking essay, fercrisake, so shouldn't the efforts I go to for those morons to u.n.d.e.r.s.t.a.n.d. exactly what they're bidding on count for something? Like, for .02?

4.9 out of 5.0 for Communication? Give me a break. That's not perceptual, that's bullshit! And probably a rating from the kind of twerp that doesn't communicate at all.

4.9 out of 5.0 for Postage time. The fuck?! Which part of "Hey! I posted your parcel today . You know, the SAME fucking day your payment came through" (except with a silent "fucking") did that -0.1 peckerhead miss anyway? If homeboy has some kind of primal urge to deduct 0.1, deduct it from Australia Post. Or here's an idea, take that 0.1 and shove it up yer mailbox.

And finally:

4.7 out of 5.0 for Postage and handling charges. 4.7?! You have GOT to be kidding me.

I do have a 100% feedback rating but that can bite me. It means shit when I've got to deal with the idiotic opinions of fools and their inability to click on the button that says I AM as awesome as that when giving their Detailed Seller Ratings. Things will be closer to even when those ratings identify the asshat leaving them, and when I can rate those wads on their ability to, firstly, pay in good time and communicate, for fucksake, and secondly, follow the damn guidelines in the first place, rate me accordingly and give me my frikkin' FULLY INTACT gold stars.

In keeping with the Fucking Ebay theme, you know what else gets my skivvies in a bunch? Stupid ass questions. Today some goose asked me if the bla bla bla and the bla bla bla I was selling were size 10 women's or girls'. Women's, you idiot, and for future reference when a trader lists an item in the women's section and
also provides detailed measurement of the item that equate to a fuckload bigger than your teensy weensie little ten year old, then chances are that item is correctly located for sale so quit jamming up the internet. Geesh. I also LOVE the ones that say "what size is it?". What size? Gee, I guess it'd be a size 10, considering it's listed there. Don't trust that I listed it in the correct section? Then I guess the detailed measurements with the suitable size suggestions count for shit too then.

Also, how annoying is it to get a question about an item that goes something like this: send me a photo of the tag.

Well hi to you too, sunshine!

So the answer is: Very.

Contrary to the mouthful of filth you witness here on a regular basis, I really am the queen of polite. I'm the epitome of the manners you'd like to see in the guy you bring home to meet your parents, so when some turdhole doesn't even bother to say hello, much less please or thank you, I about lose oxygen to my peripherals. Oh, I know I shouldn't let the actions of others determine how I feel, but fuckit. I like rolling my eyes. It's a free headspin in my otherwise mundane, drug free life.

As an aside and speaking of drugs, after having popped a few Sudafed the last time I had a cold, I find myself eagerly anticipating the next one. Please see above reference to "Life=Mundane".

2005-2007© aibee