Wednesday, June 01, 2005

people are noticing

In two days, four clients have known something is up. More specically, they've noticed this little buddha belly of mine.

Ten weeks pregnant and I've already popped. Shit a brick man, we first timers are supposed to pop later than second (and third and ad infinitum) mums, because unlike our more experienced sisters, you can still ping pennies off our relatively taut abdominal muscles, so they keep everything in for a longer time. My abs of steel should mean I pop even later than that, but nooo.

So anyway, the first sighting of my pregnant self occured on Monday morning, when I staggered into work for a 6.15 class. Several of my regular clients were already there, and having watched me lug my exhausted self through the door, one commented later that I looked beat, and like I really didn't want to be there. That's bad, isn't it? When clients can tell you're half asleep when you're being paid to be perky and wake them up? Considering that any day now, I might not be able to keep doing this, I figured now was as good a time as any to admit to at least one of the group why I might go missing one day.

But he already knew! Seems he took one look at me that morning, and worked it out straight away.

We had a lovely chat too, and he's as thrilled for me as you'd think a close friend to be. His wife had their first child at 39 and the second at 42, so he told me that if I had any questions or worries, to let him know and he and his wife would invite me over for dinner, and go from there.

How nice is that? Of course, being the hermit and antisocialite I am, I probably never will, but it's so nice to be thought of so warmly like that.

It's also been really nice to find there is support, and most of it has come from people I never expected it from. I've got to start trusting human nature, huh?

Continuing on the I've Been Busted theme, another client asked after my burgeoning self last night. So far, it's been the men who are good at this noticing this kind of shit. Maybe it's my boobs? Whtever it is, the men are the ones pegging the pregnant chick.

I don't even know this guy's name, I only know that he's one of my favorite clients. When I told him that yes, I was indeed pregnant, he thanked me for making his week, and then waxed lyrical on the magic that was about to be mine, as a parent. Then, with my permission, he gently and unobtrusively placed his hands on my belly, and spoke to my child.

It was fucking beautiful.

He went on to tell me of his four children, of his three living daughters and his one son, Noah, who died at four weeks old. He spoke so lovingly of his children and his wife, and knowing he's lost a child makes his warmth and gererosity that much more meaningful. I imagine it would be so easy to switch off and refuse to love after experiencing such a loss. He's a very special man, and writing about him now has evoked the same feelings of warmth and reassurance and love he radiated while we spoke last night.

Another client, Robyn, saw us, and so approached me after the class to confirm her suspicions. She congratulated me, and without knowing anything more about me, told me of her friend who was going through IVF as a single woman using donor sperm.

Synchronicity much?

I've given Robyn my number to give to her friend, as while I didn't go through IVF, I have gone through what it took to come to the decision to do it. Hearing her story also made me realise how lucky I am, because as much as I'm pissy that half this kid's DNA comes from shitforbrains its father, had I not fallen pregnant to him, in three years time, I could easily be this woman, with a lot of heartbreaking tries, and nothing to show for it. She's forty two now, and she's decided that this next cycle will be her last. If anyone believes in good vibes or the power of prayer, this nameless, faceless woman could probably do with some help. I'm sure the vibes and prayers will know where to go.

Finally, I was working with a client one on one, and having woefully tried to demonstrate some crunches on an exercise ball, and nearly dying from the effort, she asked if I was pregnant too.

I think if you didn't know me, you wouldn't notice, but because these people see me so regularly, and because my 'trademark', if you will, is being taut and trim, my thicker middle is a quite the neon sign flashing above my head, and announcing my pregnancy.

2005-2007© aibee