Friday, May 26, 2006

a product review, I guess

I practically amputated my thumb while cleaning the 'bathroom' the other day (if anyone can work out how in the name of fuck I did it, can you let me know? Because, what the fuck?)(and by 'bathroom', I mean 'toilet'. 'Bathroom' is merely an American inspired euphamism in case anyone's ears fall off at the mention of The Place Where Poo Goes To Die). There's a huge chunk missing from the fingerprinty bit and it hurts like a muthafudger. Granted, my shit don't stink, but that's no guarantee that airborne (eww) bacteria (ew)(eww) isn't making a new home for itself around the john seat every time I drop the kids off at the pool. To whit, ew.

After having disinfected the living shit (literally)(EWW!) out of the remaining stump, I turned to the Liquid Bandage I'd bought (probably only because there was a sale! sign underneath it on the pharmacy shelf)(I can't resist a bargain)(which it probably wasn't)(but anyway) a while back for just such an occasion, and tried to seal the wound with that. Folks, save your dimes because "clear, flexible, breathable seal that keeps out water, dirt and germs"? I think no, not at all, bitches. I did however, spill about four gallons of the activator stuff on the hand that was doing the applicating and that stuff is inpenetrable. And squicky. It literally took paint stipper and a wire bristle brush to wash that unctuous layer of squick off. Well not literally literally, but it may well have done, suffice to say that if anyone has a bank job they want done, call me.

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