Monday, October 10, 2005

interactive aibee

Now, this kid is due on December 25 (ho ho ho), and while that's eleven weeks away, I'd like to start getting a wee bit more organised as my current state of preparedness = what baby?

After last week's freak out, it was pointed out to me that babies don't need much. I mean, seriously, why worry about not having a baby bath when I have a kitchen sink? So I've quit obsessing about things Every Expectant Mother Should Have, and am concentrating on what this expectant mother wants, and at this moment in time, it amounts to two things.

Firstly, bras, and the bodacious rack situation was placed under control last week, so now I'm eagerly awaiting the arrival of two hundred and sixty (eek) bucks worth of Bodywise scaffolding. I've been fitted on three (three!) previous occasions for such devices, and I must have the oddest norks in the world, because on each of these occasions, nothing in the store fitted me. I either looked like Madonna during her eighties conical boobies phase, or else my chest looked disturbingly Marty Feldman-esque, so these leopard print fuckers better do the job, because the alternative is that I hang loose, mother goose, and go over all National Geographic.

Next is a baby carrier, and then I'm done (although I've scheduled freaking out about what to put in the hospital and diaper bags for a later date. Watch this space)

My first thought was of a Babybjorn, but having read the research and speaking with my chiropractor, uh, no. So I looked further and after more research, found something called a hug-a-bub. It's endorsed by chiropractors bla bla wank bla, and offers a range of positons, from the newborn with no muscular control to the fiesty toddler with wrigglepot tendencies. Then I remembered: I think too much, which led to me becoming somewhat intimidated by the reems of fabric involved, so I did more research (hello, I lied when I said I was aibee. My real name is actually ohceedee), and found these things called Hotslings. No adjustments necessary and 90% UV protection? Now there's an idea. The hug-a-bub is still a contender, but maybe later, when I'm a little more familiar with baby wrangling, so can do so with less fear of breaking it. The baby, not the carrier. *ahem*

The hotsling looks so easy. Put sling on, chuck the baby in, feel smug at successfully wearing baby, (A hug-a-bub, on the other hand, I can see it now: Tie on Hugabub then, using my nose, dial the State Emergency Service, requesting they come and release me from the prison I've somehow created for myself. Meanwhile, my kid is amusing itself by sticking forks into power points. You think I jest? Picture any day involving gift wrapping. Now picture me rolling in a corner, unable to escape the binds of wrapping paper, decorative ribbon, and random bits of sticky tape. I don't cover leftovers with cling wrap for the same reason. I'm not good at these things, really.) As well as the 90% UV protection (which, summer baby, woo!) I imagine the hotlsing will be cooler to wear than a hug-a-bub.

Am I on the right track?


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