Sunday, August 20, 2006

bid, motherfuckers!

So I'm selling a shit hot pair of Levis (an aside: this v key is really annoying) on ebay.

Shit. Hot.

No shit.

They're fucking Leis, or Levis, if I slam the damn key adequately hard, so at retail, are already overpriced, then factor in the total one of a kind, um, factor, and you know it. These babies are worth around about a million dollars, and knowing that you'll NEVER bump into anyone wearing the same pair of jeans anywhere? Priceless.

I think I wore them about three times before I was too pregnant to support the low rise without also supporting an awesome plumber's crack, and now that this current muffin top has taken over, and now that Daniel is eight months old, I think I've got to let go of my delusion that one day I won't spill over the top of my old jeans much like one of those volcanos you made in Science class when you were nine, and just go the fuck out and buy myself some granny pants. I'm thinking a nice pair of polyester slacks with a fifteen inch zipper will look fierce with my t-shirts, I'm sorry, blouses tucked all the fuck of the way in.

So yeah, I'm selling my jeans, or as I like to call them, The Last Remaining Memory Of My Once Hard Bod, and with a little over nine hours to go, it looks I'll be doing it for one measely dollar.

A final aside: Xanadu is on TV in the other room, so I'm sitting here singing along and wishing I was a damn muse too, because roller skates are never uncool.

Also, has anyone else noticed how I complain a lot these days? Which is probably another aside. Hmm.

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